We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
