I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
