I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
