Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My feet surprised me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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