i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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