dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
