My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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