Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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