3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
