I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you had me at cake vodka
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
