Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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