You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
