He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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