ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
