Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
