A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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