I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
