Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Still dying that you shit outside
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
