My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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