i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am mentally ready for anal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
