he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
