Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
