wrigley field is MILF paradise
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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