Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
