I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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