i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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