They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
