I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
