Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
