i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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