I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
