New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
