yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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