1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
