I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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