how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
