I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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