soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
