3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
