Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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