I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
