I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
