Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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