my mouth tastes like poor choices
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
