Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
