I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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