Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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