There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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