sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
