i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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