so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
